Funny the Look You Get on Your Face When Someone Talks About Themselves Memes

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    Behind the Scenes

• During the behind the scenes of the Alice in Wonderland (2010) review, Doug gets Tamara to demonstrate her naturally Evil Laugh.
• Dino-Rob singing the Meow Mix jingle in the Jurassic Park III review.
• The various takes of Shyamalan's dance sequence for the After Earth review. Rob's demo track of the Looney Tunes theme With Lyrics just adds to the comedy.
• During the behind the scenes for the "Top 11 Best Avatar episodes", Doug is covering the scene they're about to film and explains how he wants Jason to say "My cab bitches!" Malcolm, who is filming, just then gets the pun, prompting Rob to tell him he and Doug argued about it because it was so painful, but Doug wouldn't take no for an answer.
• In the making of the The Monster Squad review, Doug reveals that the book that stood in for the Ancient Book of Ancientness is full of Description Porn that they can't make sense of, but looks suspiciously like regular porn.
• In the making of Demolition Man, when Malcolm is doing a Wesley Snipes Crazy person skit, Doug wants him to moves his arms around like a nutter while speaking. Malcolm proceeds to do an Egyptian dance while speaking. Everybody there loses it in laughter.
  • The crew discuss having sex with zombies. Doug walks in with a disturbed look on his face.

  Doug: What did I walk into??

  Rob: Necrophilia, necrophili-you!

• In the making of the Jupiter Ascending review, they all randomly decide to line up dressed as the characters that chew scenery to recite the opening of "Hakuna Matata." Tamara forgets the words, forcing them to start over and in some cases change positions. This part is being filmed by Papa Walker.

  Papa Walker: And they pay me to film this.

• During the making of The Purge, Doug practises his Bryan Cranston impression for the Breaking Bad sketch. "Always squinting, bottom teeth out!"
• At the end of Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, Doug and Tamara wiping off make-up in the bathroom and teasingly talking about how cute boys are (with Doug complaining that some people are really insecure and will complain if he leaves any eyeliner on).
• During the making of the Osmosis Jones review, Doug comments on how the episode's version of Disgust looks like an eco-friendly Daphne Blake.
• During the making of the Fury Road review, Jason refuses to be seen on camera and tells Malcolm to just put a dick over his face. A picture of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's face than covers up Jason's face.
• Tamara's reaction to seeing Doug dressed up as Winifred in the Hocus Pocus review.
  • Doug's wig keeps falling back when he moves his head, and he complains he can't form a fist with the long fingernails.
  • The room with the recording equipment mysteriously gets locked, prompting them to think the place is haunted and that someone is trying to stop them from making the review.
• In the Making of the Cats & Dogs review, The Abusive Parents are renamed Uncle Lies and Aunt Deceit.
  • Changed to Aunt Despair in The Phantom of the Opera review
  • Rob imitating the sound of an old printer just as Doug walks in, causing him to stare at his brother in utter confusion for a several moments before asking what the hell he's doing.
• While also endearing, Doug so falling in love with a tight red sweater dress in the Labyrinth behind the scenes, calling it beautiful and though it doesn't work for child-Tamara, filing it away in his brain for another review.
• Also appreciated fanservice, but in the POTO behind the scenes, Tamara and Beth zoom in on Doug's ass and he shakes it for them.
• Apparently, the joke with the traffic cone in the Ghostbusters (2016) review was a Throw It In moment. Rob adds in the line "I feel like a traffic cone," they all notice the traffic cone nearby, and the next few minutes are them laughing their asses off and deliberating how to work it in. Funny thing is, all the alternatives are about as funny as what they went with.
  • Malcolm points out that Rob as the Walter Peck Expy bears an uncanny resemblance to a younger Barney. Rob has mixed feelings about this; Barney is overjoyed.
• In Alvin and the Chipmunks behind the scenes, Tamara takes a picture of Rob (Scallon, her boyfriend) and Jim holding Doug's while he leans out, notes how dirty it looks and says pervily "good for you, Doug". Also at the end where she's way too tiny for Doug's high five and paws at his arm.
• In the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows behind the scenes, Tamara's reaction to Heather's "it's okay for [Aiyanna] to look like that cos I'm here": basically collapsing in laughter so hard that she has to hang onto the wall.
• The "You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard" bloopers, particularly:

    Commentaries

• The Star Wars Holiday Special Commentary
  • "I need to feel warm!"
  • When Rob mentions that the carpet looks like the Brady Bunch's living room, Doug breaks into a wookiee version of The Brady Bunch theme.
  • "Because the audience demanded it, more Harvey Korman."
  • When the Critic loses the ability to control his bowels...

  Doug: The diarrhea sound, all of you should know where that's from, that's Dumb and Dumber, the greatest diarrhea sound effect in history, I think.
  Rob: With the greatest performance by Jeff Daniels ever.
  They both howl like Jeff Daniels

  • Their discussion of Santa Christ.

  Rob: The funny thing is this beard kept falling off, so I sound like I've had a stroke, I'm going, ""[imitates Santa Christ as if he had a stroke]"", and it's because I'm trying to move my mouth in such a way that this beard doesn't fall, it sounds like Santa Christ had a stroke. *laughs* I really wanted to nail you directly between the eyes
  Doug: Yeah, every time we did it, you would poke me a little harder, and you'd poke me in different areas, you'd sort of slap me a little bit too.
  Rob: I like how on the forums, some people were just like "I don't like Santa Christ, he kept looking at the camera"...
  Doug: THAT'S THE POINT!!
  Rob: I know, I did that on purpose, that was the point. He's supposed to break the fourth wall. He's like looking at the audience, saying "Come on, folks, this'll be fun!"

• The commentary for The Garbage Pail Kids Movie review shows that it is one of the few movies that annoys Doug both in character and out of character. It manages to be this, as well as a Heartwarming Moment.
  • Rob's imitation the Garbage Pail Kids.
  • "Oh no, Santa Christ! They got Santa Christ! (as Santa Christ) I'm not ugly, I just want to bring...Sega Genesises to the world, ho ho ho!"
  • Their observation of one of the bullies' fake laugh, and the Critic's imitation.

  Doug: My fake laugh actually sounds better than her fake laugh!

  • At one point, Bhargav walks by, and Doug and Rob ask him to join in. His response: a just-barely-on-mic "Oh, that piece of shit?"
• Rob calling Doug a closet furry in the Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog Commentary.
• In the Battlefield Earth commentary, The Stinger is the "While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME" line, which Doug replies with "Indeed".
• The beginning of the commentary for The Care Bears Movie, with Doug and Rob trying to sing the theme song and Rob getting hopelessly confused by the opening countdown starting from four instead of five.
  • When discussing Judge Doom, they call him Judge Dredd four times. And after realizing the mistake, they say the big "When I killed your brother" line as Sylvester Stallone.
  • Their discussion of the Care Bears' tendency to only help upper class white kids, with the realization that the most serious problem these white kids have is that they're "indifferent".

    Rob: Fuck 'em! We only help the whites!

  • "Hi! I'm I.T. bear!"
  • Star Gate Care Bear-1.
  • "You've reached the Necronomicon. What are you wearing?"
  • Doug picks up a typo in the captions (actually, it isn't) and asks Rob why he didn't catch it. Rob replies "I don't know, sometimes- sometimes I actually have faith that you might know what you're doing for a half-second."
    • "You know I'm dyslexic as hell!"
  • The lyric "I see a bee on Thread Bear's nose" is met with "Who gives a fuck?"
• When Game Boy shows up in Captain N: The Game Master, Rob comments how sad it is that this was the moment when the show jumped the shark.
• Rob's cameo in the the Leprechaun commentary. Upon discovering that Doug and Brad Jones are in the middle of doing the commentary without him, he promptly breaks into loud fake crying and runs out of the room.

  Doug: Come out of the bathroom!
  Rob: NOOO!!

  • Brad wanting to see the other Leprechaun movies just to find out if they kept the shoe shining Achilles' Heel.
• The Christmas special commentary reveals how Doug got Roger to play the scene where he's in disbelief at the fact that without the Critic everyone's life is better he told him to pretend he'd just found out his girlfriend was a man.
• Rob points out that the Rockbiter's wife in The Neverending Story III has an "over the shoulder boulder holder," causing Doug to completely crack up and wonder how that joke didn't occur to them while writing the review.
  • The parody of Limahl's "The Neverending Story" they open the commentary with.
  • The origins of the crowbar.
• In The Secret of NIMH 2, Doug acknowledges that he didn't see the big twist coming, but you could say the same if Mrs. Brisby had turned out to be broccoli.
  • At the beginning of the commentary. Doug and Rob have a bit of an argument and at one point, Doug tells Rob to leave...

  Rob: (Beat) Do you really want me to leave?

  Doug: I... n-no.

  Rob: That's what I thought.

• In the commentary for Quest for Camelot, Doug mentions Lewis Lovhaug getting mad at him for the review because Camelot was his favorite film. What's funny about that? He defends the forest by saying that it doesn't need explanation, it's magic.
• During Raoul Puke calling the Critic a hack who says his opinions like they're facts, Doug comments: "That probably is what Hunter S. Thompson would think of me."
• In The Wizard, Doug's at a bit of a loss about what to call Putnam's career, and settles on "professional child bringer backer guy."
• In the OTHER animated Titanic movie commentary, Doug and Rob end by spitting at the film, saying it is a shame as it has better animation.
  • Rob's explanation for how he made it possible for the Critic to perform the skit that pokes fun at the shoe-sniffing joke.

  Rob: Honey? Can I borrow your shoe?

  Rob's Now-Wife: ...Why?

  Rob: ...Because Doug needs to sniff it?

  Rob's Now-Wife: ...Explain?

  • Which leads to Doug saying he actually didn't sniff her shoe that heavily (the nose sound was recorded in post), but says that he's sure Rob's wife's foot smells wonderful. Rob agrees.
    • Followed by Rob worrying that talking about this online will get him Exiled to the Couch... without a shoe to smell.
  • The reveal that the Jagermeister bottles came from Doug winning a contest at a restaurant, which inexplicably included empty liquor bottles.
  • Singing The Benny Hill Show theme during a whacky bit.
  • Referencing the Saturday Night Live skit "Titey", saying that it had more dignity than both animated Titanic movies.
  • Their wondering how the villain's henchman is able to talk to sharks, leading to them suggesting that maybe the bad guy punched him in the stomach to make him cry and his tear fell on a shark.
  • Just the way Rob walks through the film's "logic" is hysterical.
• From the Simon Sez commentary with Allison Pregler, she and Doug talk about fanfiction involving both a joke they made in the review, a Dark Fic spawning from the end of Allison's Birdemic review, a Nostalgia Critic/Santa Christ fic, and a parody fic in the style of Hans Von Hozel. It's every bit as hilarious as it sounds, and then some.
• For Dungeons & Dragons (2000), Doug and Rob start off with dueling Profion impressions, then Rob soon drops it while Doug declares he's going to keep it up for the entire commentary. And that's just what he does, with Rob occasionally expressing disbelief that he's still doing it, and even though before it's halfway done he's completely run out of material and is just talking as himself with a weird voice. Then they recount the disagreement they had over whether there should be a Doctor Who reference for Tom Baker's appearance, and Rob can't believe he's having a serious discussion with that voice.
  • Rob decides to tackle Doug and force his real voice out, and Doug settles down after it... and continues to do the voice anyway!
  • The only time Doug drops it is at the very end, when they spoof a sequel fantasy story where the character get Snails back, because he says the moment deserves his real voice!
  • Profion!Doug saying the Critic would be far hotter with the bald guy's blue lipstick on.
• In the Moulin Rouge! one, it turns out that the reference to the infamous VHS cover of The Little Mermaid wasn't in the script. Doug simply brought the video with him in case they wanted to throw in a random penis joke.
• Tricking us into thinking his commentary for The Grinch will also be entirely in rhyme.
• In the commentary for A Simple Wish, Doug bitching at the Critic for being a cynical idiot and complaining about someone he's never met is both bizarrely sweet and hilarious.
  • Doug starts the commentary by building up the person with him as if it's Mara Wilson, and then it turns out to be Holly.
• In the Child's Play commentary, near the end, Doug realizes he and Phelous never introduced themselves at the beginning and the viewer may be wondering who these people talking over the review are. Phelous introduces himself as Brad Dourif and Doug introduces himself as Jack Skellington.
• In his commentary of Heavy Metal with Diamanda Hagan, he notes that it's the nicest weather Earth has ever had.
• Rob opens up the Scooby-Doo commentary with "Hey...Aren't you dead?"
• In The Cat in the Hat commentary, Rob mentioning that Mike Myers as The Cat literally gave him Nightmare Fuel.
  • Rachel is pretty sure their neighbors at the studio think they're a porn crew thanks to all the bizarre costumes they're constantly bringing in.
• The Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie commentary opens with Doug "fighting" with the opening sequence to the review in an attempt to speak.
  • As Malcolm!Zordon introduces the Critic to Rachel!Rita, Doug claims that he "couldn't tell that was Rachel!"
  • The group wonder if the reason for the martial arts being priority was ever explained, ending with Doug saying that "Lewis told me "there is [an explanation], but it's really stupid," saying that when Linkara thinks something in Power Rangers is stupid, then it must be dumb.
  • Malcolm talks about how he imitated Zordon since watching Power Rangers as a child, and then Doug jokes that his voice sounded like that even back then.

  Doug: [as Zordon] Mommy! Daddy! I am hungry!

• Doug's reaction to the George Takei snowmen in Devil, as by the time the commentary was filmed he'd forgotten the context of that image.
• In their commentary of The Lorax, they briefly talk about what a Grinch anime would be like.
• In Top 11 Best Avatar Episodes:
  • Getting their celebrity guests tends to be a lot simpler than people think and boils down to "We asked him."
  • Doug and Rob fighting over who gets to marry Dante Basco.
  • Rufio at Jucio's.
  • The Barnes and Noble scenes had to be filmed very early in the morning, with palpable irritation from the janitor who had to work around them.
  • After Dante was still a bit out of it from waking up so early, he suggested they stop to get breakfast, only realizing halfway through that he was still in full costume.
• In the The Phantom of the Opera commentary, Doug says that he showed his mom some scenes of the episode, and her main reaction was disbelief about how much hair he's lost in such a short space of time.

    Disneycember

• Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Him breaking down over Grumpy crying.

  "THERE'S NO HOPE FOR HUMANITY."

  • Him pointing out the logical Plot Holes of the ending.
• In his review of Pinocchio, he wonders why nobody would notice there is a giant fox and cat walking around and the irony of them noticing a living puppet.
  • His dislike of Jiminy Cricket, saying that he always waited for Pinocchio to step on him, which, he must have known, happened in the original book.
• Pointing out the notorious, brief shot of a naked lady at the beginning of his review of The Rescuers.
  • Plus his deadpan delivery regarding said shot: "Okay, I'm just gonna get it out of the way, there's a picture of a naked woman in this movie. Disney is full of pervs. There. Done."
  • And at the end when he muses, "And what was up with that naked lady?"
  • Similarly, in his Bambi review, he can't start it without the scene where Bambi's mother is shot.
• In his review of The Great Mouse Detective, he says that it was one of the first Disney films he saw in theaters and seeing the magic of Disney on the big screen is delightful, wholesome fun. Cue Fidget kidnapping Flaversham.

  "MOMMY!! THAT'S SCARY AS FUCK!!"

• His opinions of the songs in The Lion King and how he prefers "Be Prepared" over "Hakuna Matata", which all of the kids at his school sang. The icing on the cake is this clip:

  Scar: I'm surrounded by idiots.

• From his review of The Hunchback of Notre Dame

  Doug: That being said, there are a few things that are a bit forced.
  (cut to the gargoyles singing "A Guy Like You")
  Doug: (aggravated) I'll get to them in a minute.

  • His summary of everything Frollo does in the entire movie: "Ya know, for kids!"
• Of Hercules, he goes over all the random, inane choices made for the movie and how it was told. The last straw? That Michael Bolton sings the end title song.
• His thoughts on Fantasia 2000, particularly the parts with Steve Martin.
• "DAVID SPADE IS A LLAMA?!?!?"
• In the Brother Bear review: "DAAAH! Phil Collins, modern talk, Pinky Swear!"
• In his Tarzan II review, how he sums up an average Phil Collins background tune in a Disney movie; "I'M SAAAD! I'M SAAAD! I'M PHILLL COLLINNNS!!!"
• The end of his review of The Incredibles:

  Doug: It's great to see Pixar finally branching out and actually working with human characters! They don't have to keep the focus on toys or machines or things that come to life! This is opening a whole new door for (Cars poster appears) *groan* Join me in the next review...

• The deadpan, Motor Mouth beginning to his review of Cars 2: "Everyone says Cars 2 sucks, it does, let's talk about it."
  • "Why is it the only jokes that make me laugh in these movies are the toilet jokes? That's not a good sign."
• His first attempt to summarize Brave:
• He explains how everyone fell completely in love with Toy Story 3 and think it's the greatest movie ever. He thinks it's good. The response? "BOOO!".
• He admits that Cinderella sounds kind of twisted if you look at it from Prince Charming's perspective:

  Doug: Hey, he found a woman strictly based on sight. Hey, he knew her for a few hours, and then he decided she's the one. Hey, all she left is a shoe, and somehow that's gonna determine which woman you're going to marry. Hey, coincidentally the shoe size can only fit one friggin' woman in the entire world, and thank God it just happened to be the one you fell in love with!

• His description of how he originally didn't think too much about Maleficent, didn't see it as a big deal, but after he thought about it more, he eventually realized...

  Doug: You know what? This movie really sucks. A lot.

• His two cents on the controversy about The Princess and the Frog. When the movie was first released, people were complaining about how the movie changed how things were during the time the movie was placed. His response?

  Doug: There's a fucking talking frog, I think we'll live.

• When he talks about how overplayed the songs are from Frozen (2013), he concedes that he's one of the annoying ones who does it. He then tries to defend himself by saying he only does it in his car when nobody else is around... until it backfires when he realizes that also means he lacks the excuse that he can play it around his kids.

  Doug: Okay, this is actually sounding pathetic.

• From the Belle's Magical World review:
  • He calls the video so terrible, the only "magical" part occurs when an Off-Model Belle's eyes point in opposite directions.
  • His rushed ending for the review:

  Doug: Belle's Magical World, it sucks, I'm onto the next one, bye!

• From his review of The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea:

  Doug: Pat Carroll's back to do the voice [of the villain]; she could read the phone book and make it sound deliciously evil!

• In the introduction to Mulan II, he explains that the video sounds distorted because he yelled so much that he blew out his microphone.
  • The fact that, unlike the other Disneycember videos, he caps this one off not with a pun relevant to the movie's motifs, but by saying, "this movie can friggin' blow me."
• During the review of Brother Bear 2, he finds it baffling that there are officially three movies about turning into bears, despite none of them doing well, and wonders if there's some executive at Disney who wants to be a bear.
• Doug's utter bafflement at Can of Worms:

  Doug: It's the craziest goddamn thing I've ever seen! I mean, it's absolutely ludicrous! And dumb! And not good! And... I... I don't even have the words for it!

  • The amount of commenters who believed the film was a bizarre dream they had as kids.
• In his review of Smart House, he reveals he was actually considering it for the chopping block, thinking that Disney fans would prefer Princess Protection Program as it had princesses. Only to his amazement that his Facebook fans overwhelmingly told him to go with Smart House, and he was probably glad he did as he actually enjoyed it.
• One that's funny to his fellow Avafans: Although Selena calls herself the moon "goddess," in his review of Zenon: Z3, he refers to her as "the Moon Spirit." You never forget your hometown dialect...
• "PLANES!!! GODDAMN PLANES!!!" Doug basically has an absolute breakdown due to this movie.
  • Not to mention his Lame Pun Reaction to the "Flysenhower". It completely breaks him in half.

    Dreamworks-uary

• For the month of February, Doug looks at all the Dreamworks animated movies in something he likes to call... "Dreamworks-uary".
• The announcement that he doesn't like Shrek is accompanied by the Big "NO!" from The Empire Strikes Back.

  "Get the hate mail ready, get your fingers on the keyboard, here we go... I don't like Shrek."

• The opening to the Dreamworks-uary review of Shark Tale:

  Will Smith fish is scary, okay? I'm just putting it out there right now. Will Smith as a fish is fucking disgusting. It's gross. I don't like looking at it. The idea that it's the main character is just fucking idiotic.

  • His insistence on referring to the characters as (Actor) (Species) (ex. "Will Smith Fish", "Jack Black Shark", etc.).
  • "What do kids like today? Well, they like Fish and they like Will Smith. Throw that together, mix in some pop culture references and shit, and you have... SHIT!"
• In his review of Madagascar, he says it contrasts from The Wild, then asks which came out first. ^note Madagascar came out first, by nearly a year.
• After going on and on about how much he loves Kung Fu Panda 2, Doug reveals his one gripe with the movie: it came out the same weekend as The Hangover Part II.

    DVD reviews

Turkish Rambo /Rampage

• Sadar's tendency to stare into the camera: "Will you stop looking at us?! Do I have something on my teeth or something, I mean knock it off !"
  • (laughing at Serdar, who is neck deep in the mud for some reason) "What, did he take a wrong turn at Albuquerque?"
• The use of Street Fighter and Wolfenstein 3-D sound effects during the fight sequences.
• Him making fun of the ways the minor characters die when they get shot. "Yay, death!" "Fame!" "Fabulous!"

The Blues Brothers the Video Game

• The video opens with the Critic waking up, having breakfast and eagerly going to play this game. Ten minutes later, however, he is practically a wreck from playing this game. It leads to his opening lines, which acknowledge this is a DVD bonus item:
• Critic describes this game as "the worst thing to be associated with the movie since Blues Brothers 2000." (It gets hilarious in hindsight, given how he reviews that movie, years later.)

  "Oh, that's right, I fucking went there!"

• There are at least nine levels in the factory, full of slippery platforms and even slipperier climbing chains, which annoys the Critic to no end, prompting him to say, "Maybe they [the game designers] want you to get a job there."

  Critic: Kids, do yourself a favor. Find somebody that works in a chain factory and punch 'em. Don't explain why, don't even introduce yourself, just punch 'em in the fucking face.

• In one factory level, as the timer runs low, an enemy dog blocks Elwood's path by running back and forth across a ladder he needs to climb:

  Critic: Come on, you fucking dog, MOVE!!! I only have sixteen seconds!

• The entire sequence with the flying snake in The Blues Brothers game. "DAH! Oh, hey. DAAAAUGH! DAMMIT!"

  Critic: What the hell is this thing anyway? (reading instruction manual) "Snake: A friendly creature, you can jump on its back and control it." (looks up) Does that thing look remotely friendly to you?!?

• Then the snake somehow nudges Elwood off the edge of the platform, which leads to the Critic's Rage-Breaking Point ("...He pushed me. He fucking pushed me! FRIENDLY CREATURE, MY ASS!!"), which becomes all the more acute when he sees the Game Over screen: "The Blues Brothers Concert Over", causing him to rip the cartridge out of the system and destroy it.
• After destroying the game and throwing it outside, the Critic rants about how hard it is and how little it has to do with the movie, after which he adds, "I pity the poor sucker who comes across that game and tries to play it." Cue the (off-screen) arrival of Chester A. Bum ("Oh my god, a video game! 'Bleu-Ass Brothers'... Must be French."), who picks it up and tries to play it.

  Critic: I'm the Nostalgia Critic and... (puts hands in praying position) may God have mercy on his soul.
  Chester: (playing game) Oh my God, it's exactly like the movie!... Cake makes you stronger? I-I don't understand that, I... Wow, the... floor sure is slippery, isn't it? Heh-heh... I thought I was supposed to be getting out of the jukebox! (plays the game a while) Okayyy, just... go up the chain there, guy! Heh... C'mon, go up the chain... Go up THE CHAIN!... Oh, look! A flying snake! Hello, flying snake! How are you... HE PUSHED ME! THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS GAME! I'M TOSSING THIS SO SOME OTHER IDIOT CAN FIND IT! (discards the game)
  Dominic: (coming across game) Oy, what's this?

Reefer Madness

• Critic takes down notes of how to hide a joint.

  "Next, I'm going to tell you how to make a pipe bomb, just so you never do it!"

• Jimmy's Freak Out.
• Critic's reaction to the one-sided meeting.

  Wimpy Guy: I have an opinion.

  Critic!Other Guy: (screaming) NO, YOU DON'T!

• At the end of the review, after Chester A. Bum announces that he is quitting marijuana as a result of watching this film:

  Chester A. Bum: That's right. It's just good old-fashioned CRACK FOR ME!

  Critic: Okay, I knew there was a catch, I-

Doomsday Machine

• "Danger, Will Robinson! I've been in here so long, I like men now!"
• Critic criticizes the fact that the crew are holding a press conference at T-120 seconds to launch. He calls it the worst managed press conference ever.

  Announcer: And now, the president of ASTRA. [The president steps up]

  President: Two minutes ago, a nuclear bomb was dropped in the city of... [at this point, he's drowned out by the voice over the loudspeaker]

  Loudspeaker: Mr. Howard, your toast just came out of the oven. Repeat: your toast just came out of the oven. [during this, the President is mouthing where the explosion occurred and used exaggerated hand movements to indicate than something went "Boom!". After a few seconds]

• The top 10 alternate porn titles for Doomsday Machine:
• The small skits of Prejudice Joe's Old-Timey Humor.
• His flipping out over one of the worst cases of Leave the Camera Running ever. "EIGHT MINUTES!"

The Making of A Nostalgia Critic Episode

• It opens with a comment on how the wide-angle lens makes Rob look eight feet away from Doug.

  Rob: [hand over mouth] Hello out there!

Kickassia

• The "Nostalgia Critic Reloaded" DVD set contains the Critic reviewing the three anniversary specials. How does he get around making fun of himself? The Plot Hole screwed with his head and he thinks the star is an imitator called the "Nostalgia Cricket".
  • After the Board James cameo in Kickassia, the Critic comments about NC riding his coattails.

Suburban Knights

• His freakout over the "Nostalgia Cricket"'s upskirt shot.
• Adding a timer to Film Brain and Luke's "pea" joke to showcase how long it takes to force the joke.
• "But if there's anything history has taught us, it's that Americans know how to screw the Brits."
• Thinking that the Voice of the Ancient World is voiced by The Irate Gamer.

To Boldly Flee

• Why did Mechakara keep Linkara alive? "Simply because if he escapes, he can say Linkara came out of the closet." (Rimshot).
• His comment on The Cinema Snob never wearing shoes.
• When Luke mentions his dad was on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the Critic realizes he's the son of Wayne Brady.
• At the end, he notices the "Nostalgia Cricket" is eerily similar to him, and realizes that the Cricket is really Phelous.

Paranoia

• How Critic got permission to review the film:

  Critic: (on phone) Hey, Brad, can I review Paranoia?
  Brad: Go fuck a horse!
  Critic: Thanks. (hangs up)

• Doubles as a Brick Joke at the end: a pissed-off Brad found a horse.

  Brad: He's going to make your dick feel like carrots.

Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie

• Critic explains how he lost a bet and could either review the movie or be whipped like a horse while carrying the Nerd through Chicago and wearing an "I'm a Fatty Fatty Fuck Fuck!" sign.
• His complete butchering of the Big Bad's incomprehensible name.
• Doug's very brief cameo in the movie (as a guy who Screams Like a Little Girl) is, of course, Critic's favorite part of the film.
• Doubles as a Big-Lipped Alligator Moment, when he lists the number of other words that could replace baloney without having an impact

  Critic: Cabbage, banana or Lake Titicaca. None of it would've changed the story.

  Critic: Well, banana might...

• "The exploitation of Website/IMDB must flow" Ominous thunder

    First Viewing

• From Fantastic Four (2015):

  Rob: Can you suck your own dick? We've been that asking that question since you got here. Can you stick your head up your own ass? Can you strangle yourself with your own neck?

  Doug cracks up.

  • At the end, Rob mimes throwing a whiskey bottle at the television.
• Following a bit with Dino in The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas:

  Doug: That was comedy, apparently.

• Rob is so disinterested in Norm of the North that he flips through Super Mario Adventures, which Doug takes away. Cue Doug reading it and Rob snatching it away.
  • "What am I watching? Killer whales should not be sexy."
  • Rob gives the film a point for having a rare French-Canadian joke. Then docks three for it not being funny.
  • "Sorry, I blinked for a second, what's happening?"
  • "Oh, big shock, something stupid's happening."
  • Rob says that the movie would be improved if it turns out to be an elaborate prank by Andy Kaufman.
  • When the film ends with Norm and his girlfriend with children, Rob is disgusted that Rob Schneider had sex.
• From Green Lantern (2011):
  • Rob's Spit Take upon learning that the movie was directed by Martin Campbell.
  • During the scene in Hector Hammond's classroom, Rob quips "Class Dismissed"...which Hammond actually says in the movie, much to the boys' disgust.

    Rob: I should write shitty screenplays.

• The Walkers spend the Kangaroo Jack video drunk of their asses. Midway through, Rob sits on the floor.
  • Doug's open-mouthed shock to find out that Jerry Bruckheimer produced the movie.
  • Rob's Christopher Walken impression is gold as always, from his King Louie singing to speculating that the farting camels were Walken's idea.
  • "That's this movie's avatar - a kangaroo watching a firey crash".
  • Doug absolutely loses it at the farting camels bit.
  • Doug wonders if the animators were proud to work on the film and if they put it on their resume. Rob replies that they put it on their signed confession, prompting Doug to laugh.
  • "Who are the few assholes who gave this thing an 8% on Rotten Tomatoes? Why is it not a zero?"
  • "You don't deserve to eat the corn out of Porky Pig's shit!"
• The Freddy Got Fingered First Viewing. Just watch as Doug and Rob slowly deteriorate into insanity.

  Rob: Well at least now that settles it - Portland is the source of all evil.

  Doug: There's a competition?

  • The scene where Gord jerks off a horse...

    Doug: THIS IS MY LIFE! (sobs loudly)

    Doug: That happened. We, as a people, let that happen. Why didn't we stop him?

    Doug: ...That sorta answers itself, doesn't it?

  • After not much happens in the film, Rob quips, "Plot's great!"
  • When Gordy gets hit by a truck, Rob lets out a deadpan "Thank God".
  • The guys wonder if there was an actual script for the movie. Rob suspects that Tom Green farted on several pieces of paper and turned them in, while Doug thinks that he had someone write words backwards on his forehead and he slammed it into some paper.
  • "Let's not kid ourselves, the cancer joke isn't even the most lowbrow scene in the movie. Think about that".
  • As Gord eats the placenta:

    Doug: (dryly) I thought this movie would be grosser.

    Rob: You know, some people eat the placenta.

    Doug: Well, we know he did.

  • Doug cries laughing at the Mood Whiplash between the gross out birthing scene and the heartwarming scene of Gord handing the mother her newborn baby (complete with blood everywhere).
  • How about the infamous "Daddy Would You Like Some Sausage?" scene?

    Doug: It's only a few a seconds, but you're right, it's terrifying.
    Rob: When I die and finally go to Hell, that's what's gonnna greet me. That is the first thing I'm gonna see and I will know I am in Hell. The piano's like off-key, and it's like... it's Hell! That is the greeting in Hell!

  • Doug's face during that scene is priceless.
  • Rob notes how Tom Green even says the word sausage weird.
  • The scene at the Institute for Molested Children where Freddy and the molested kids watch The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974) while a creepy rendition of Girls and Boys Come Out to Play plays in the background literally makes Doug and Rob's jaws drop. In fact, this scene is so outrageous, they pause the movie twice just to let it sink in that they watched that. Doug is laughing insanely while Rob comes to believe that the movie is the answer to life's mysteries.

    Rob: It is a Zen Koan, it's like this shit about, like, what's the sound of one hand clapping or there's a duck trapped in a bottle and you can't break the bottle but you don't want the duck to die so what do you do? And you think on it for days and days and hours and hours like watching this for only an hour and a half feels like days and and days and hours and hours and weeks and weeks until at some point your brain SNAPS!!!! IT JUST SNAPS!!!! And all of a sudden, you're just like, "I am beyond good and evil. I am beyond all conceptions. I have achieved Nirvana. There is no evil, there is no good, there is only Freddy Got Fingered." (laughs with Doug) And we thought we wouldn't get anything out of this movie. I have now become a Zen Buddhist.

    Doug: (to the camera) Sorry about that, folks. We really needed a moment.

    Rob: (to the camera) You would run too if it happened to you!

  • This line from Doug.

    Doug: I feel like I've given in to the madness. You know the Mouse from Alice in Wonderland, he's with the Mad Hatter and March Hare? He was probably a normal mouse at one point, then they grabbed him and kept him in that little jar and drove him insane and now he's like, "I'm one of you now!" That's what I feel like this movie has done. I've accepted it and I'm like, "I'm one of you! I'm one of you-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Happy Unbirthday! Ha, ha, ha!"

    Rob: It's called Stockholm Syndrome.

    Doug: It is total Stockholm Syndrome!

  • And then there's the end, just as Doug silently waves goodbye...

    Rob: ...AAAHHH!

• Rob had a cold during the Home Alone 2: Lost in New York video, so he had to wear a blanket. Cue Doug teasing him for looking like an old lady.
• They enjoy the hell out of Sleepwalkers, giving it a genuine round of applause at the end for just how entertainingly awful it proved to be.
  • One exchange sums up the entire viewing experience:

    Deputy: What the fuck?!

    Rob: You said it, buddy!

  • As the sheriff bursts into a house and finds the homeowner being attacked by a cat and a teenage girl fighting a monster:

    Doug!Sheriff: Well, I can't say I expected this!

• Rob did not enjoy The Angry Birds Movie. At one point, he asks if it's too late to review Show Dogs, prompting Doug to laugh. By the end, it's driven him to full-blown nihilism.
  • Rob snaps at the piss-drinking scene, forcing Doug to watch it.
  • Doug's WTF? reaction to the pigs dressed as the twins from The Shining.
• In their first viewing of X-Men, Rob points out Chaplin on Doug's lap, and Doug indulges in Cuteness Proximity, saying the cat is his "Kitty Pryde". Then a few seconds pass of their faces realizing what he said, and he breaks into giggles while Rob is adamant he never says that again.
• Rewatching Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, Doug wonders why Dr. Ian Malcolm is arguing against the dinosaurs being rescued given that he was trying to save them in The Lost World: Jurassic Park. Rob trucks out his Jeff Goldblum impression in (correct) response: "No, I was trying to save SA-RAH! SA-RAH!"
  • Later, they frustratedly acknowledge that the franchise has sunk so low that Jeff Goldblum's character — after all the mockery aimed at him in the NC reviews of the first two films — is the only likeable character in this one.
• In the Justice League (2017) viewing, Brad and Doug tell Rob (who hasn't seen the film) that Flash is one of the best parts of the movie. As every one of Flash's jokes fail to land, Rob just keeps glaring at them, occasionally motioning to the screen.
• In the Spider-Man 2 viewing, when Spider-Man saves Aunt May, Rob says, "Do I get an upside-down kiss?" This causes both of them to lose it.
• In the viewing of The Amazing Spider-Man, when Peter reveals his secret identity to Gwen by roping her in with his web.
• The Nutcracker in 3D:
  • When the music from the ballet plays over the opening credits, Rob quips, "Ah, Beethoven."
  • They both get mileage about how one of the production companies behind the film is called Nutcracker Holdings and how wrong that sounds.
  • Doug is so scared of the Uncanny Valley nutcracker that he turns to his cat for comfort.

    Protect me, Chaplin. The movie's scary.

  • This line:

    Rob: I would like to say that Tchaikovsky would be rolling in his grave if you told him about this, but most likely he would go, "What's a movie?"

  • Their reactions to all the Nightmare Fuel in the film are just hilarious, with them often open-mouthed Stunned Silence in manner not seen since Freddy Got Fingered, with Doug in abject horror and Rob morbidly curious and/or fascinated while blinking. Rob then wonders what it would be like having to work at the theatre the film played in and having to clean up all the mess from the children who shat themselves.
  • When we first see the rats.

    Rob: We have just escaped NIMH...

  • "Through the Nazi Glass".
  • When we get to the scenes re-enacting Nazi Germany.

  Doug: Um (clears throat) JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

• The Running Gag in the Mary Poppins Returns viewing of Mary giving the kids a (gentle) Dope Slap whenever she makes a snarky comment to them. At the end, Rob does his impression of Mary saying that she never explains anything, and there's a cut to black as Doug gives him a slap.
• Regarding Dolittle:
  • The brothers pointing out that the CGI animals constantly seem to be either interrogating or trying to eat the viewer.
  • The distressing craziness of the film leads Rob to repeatedly screaming — as many commenters pointed out, like Homer Simpson to boot — in the back half of the viewing.
  • In response to Dab-Dab the duck's "Do you understand the words that are coming out of my bill?" Doug adds "You do NOT talk to a white duck that way!"
• At the end of Critters, Chaplin meows very loudly off-camera, prompting Rob to yell at him to shut up as Jay Sherman.
• Rob feels that Deck the Halls should be called I'm Dreaming of a White Privilege.
• In the Kim Possible viewing:
  • Ron being featured in an episode of Dr. Phil:

  Doug: (As Ron) "You can't play the game of life with sweaty palms, Kim!"

• The constant jokes about Pepé Le Pew being the worst thing ever in their viewing of Space Jam: A New Legacy, though what takes the cake is Rob's monologue prompted by Doug asking him what Bugs Bunny is planning to do in the climax with how the film sets it up. (Context: Doug was talking about Bugs' heroic sacrifice)

  "He's gonna pull his pants down and it's just gonna come flopping out and all the kids in the audience are gonna go "Gasp!" and the little moms are gonna cover their kids' eyes and then there's just going to be riots. "How could you do this, WB?!", and then they're like "Well, it's either that or Pepe Le Pew."

  • Doug forcing Rob to watch Porky Pig's rap.

    Real Thoughts

• Rob opens the video about the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoons with "Hey, Doug - I'm over there".
• How much do Doug and Rob hate The Cat in the Hat? The thumbnail is them Flipping the Bird.
• Rob is so disinterested in Son of the Mask that he spends most of the video annoying Doug with a stuffed monkey.
• During the Ernest Scared Stupid review, Rob suggests Ernest Goes to Afganistan, which causes Doug to bust a gut laughing.
• In the Alvin and the Chipmunks review, Rob comes up with a hilariously dark origin story for the Chippettes.
• While discussing Batman & Robin, Rob notes that Doug got annoyed about the Bat Credit Card, yet didn't notice that in Batman Forever, there was a small implication that Time Magazine did a feature on Batman. Doug then pictures Lego Batman being in that scenario.
• Doug opens the Mamma Mia! review by badly singing ABBA, much to Rob's irritation. At the end, Rob displays how much he hated the film by strangling Doug.
• In the video about Christmas with the Kranks, when Doug amends his position on the film to proclaim that there was one likable character (Marty, played by Austin Pendleton), Rob initially wonders if he was referring to "the tanning booth." Also, Doug's reenactment of "that great Jamie Lee Curtis performance" throughout the movie.
• While discussing Twister, Doug re-enacts the "What's an F5?/Hand of God" scene, even leaving Rob alone to go and get a plate.

    That Guy Riffs

The Mad Doctor

• The title.

  Critic: Mad as in crazy, or mad as in angry?

  Rob: Yes.

• When the mad doctor kidnaps Pluto:

  Critic: Goofy's gonna experiment on Pluto. THERE WILL BE ANSWERS.

• The sign on the door says "Dr. XXX"

  Critic: Doctor triple-x?!?

  Rob: Next on Cinema Snob: The first porn to star cartoon dogs.

• The door locks in an over the top manner.

  Rob: You now belong to the Disney Vault!

  Critic: (as Mickey) But I thought I was public domain!

  Rob: WRONG!

• As Mickey is climbing up a set of stairs, skeletons peek out from under them, leading to this:

  Critic: (as the skeletons) Do~, Re~, Mi~, Fa~…
  Critic: (as the last skeleton) Boo.
  Critic and Rob: (as the skeletons) DAMMIT, FRANK!
  (The skeletons flatten the stairs and Mickey slides down them)
  Mickey: Pluto…
  Critic and Rob: (as the skeletons) Piss off!

  • This becomes a Running Gag later as skeletons chase Mickey, throwing their skulls at him.

    "Heads up!"
    "Keep ahead!"
    "Head him off!"
    "Heads will roll!"
    "Head pun."
    "DAMMIT, FRANK!"

• The doctor shows of a diagram describing his plans to make a hybrid species of dogs and chickens.

  Rob: You know, I gotta hand it to him, that science seems pretty legit.

• When Mickey runs up to an elevator, and a whole group of skeletons come out.
• When the doctor activates a saw blade above the restrained Mickey:

  Rob: Bugs Bunny says merry Christmas, you little shit!

  • In the same scene:

    Critic!Mickey: You expect me to talk?

    Misc.

• At Matsuricon 2011, Doug told a really funny story about how he got really badly sick, with hallucinations, fever and everything. That's not the funny bit, the funniness comes from this was it was right after "The Top 11 Mind-Fucks" and he was trying to convince Rob that the carrot was going to kill everyone.
• During the Fear and Loathing at ShadoCon sketch, Doug (as Raoul Puke) is running around with Egoraptor doing all kinds of crazy things. The whole video is funny, but there is one point near the end...

  Doug: Who the fuck keeps calling me... Holy shit, it's you! I'm not even kidding, look at that. You're calling me somehow!

  Doug: (on his phone) Hello?

  Ego: (pulls out his phone) ...where are you?

  Doug: I'm right in front of you.

  Ego: Oh my god.

  Both: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

  • (They both run around screaming, Ego runs straight into a wall.)
• The Nostalgia Critic returns to review Breaking Dawn Part 2.

  "How many of you have seen the Twilight movies?" (several reply in the affirmative) "GET OUT!!!!! YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS NORMAL, BREATHING PEOPLE!!!"

• His twist on the Ice Bucket challenge being to pour a bucket full of the Cool as Ice soundtrack album over his head.
• When Chester A. Bum starts his Transformers: Age Of Extinction review, the Nostalgia Critic breaks in and whacks him with a baseball bat.
• In the Hocus Pocus DVD bloopers, Doug, not being used to long nails, getting wig hair caught in one of them and Beth/Tamara having to help him out.
• Tamara's How To Not Eat Ice Cream video. Especially when she bites into the onion and looks like she regrets all her life choices.
• In Hyper's Q&A video, after receiving the first question "How do you balance work and family?", the plush toy of Hyper randomly falls from her desk, Hyper looks distraught and answers, "Apparently not well."
  • Her answer as to what she and Devil Boner do on their date night: "I'm not gonna kiss and tell, but we kiss!"
  • One of the things she states as not liking about Devil Boner is there's gunpowder everywhere, which she illustrates by taking some out from inside her shirt.
• During the Critic's guest appearance in PhantomStrider's "Top Worst Movies of All Time" list, he repeatedly remarks how nothing could be worse than the The Garbage Pail Kids Movie. ...And then when Strider introduces a clip from his pick for the worst movie, the Critic is slowly leaning away with an expression of bewildered horror.
  • What's even more funny/horrifying is that, way after his guest appearance in that video, he reviewed the movie.
• Hyper following the "let your boyfriend do your makeup" trend, which Devil Boner utterly botches.
• Walter did a debate video on Aladdin (2019) between himself, Doug, Tamara, and Malcolm. He pulls up quotes from Doug's review and Tamara's TJS, and both of them feel like naughty kids in court.
  • Walter talks in the beginning like he's mediating a therapy session between the three, and they're all glad at the end "to have got emotions out".

    e Sults

• It would be tempting to say "all of it", but that's no fun. Some highlights include:
  • One guy saying that Lord of the Rings is a rip-off of Harry Potter.
  • Malcolm as a whiny nerd with a nasally voice whining about how Chatwin doesn't play Goku, only for Critic to send him a video of a baby, since he needs someone who speaks his language.
  • Malcolm ranting on about puberty (for some reason) while Rachel tells him how smart he is.
  • Malcolm ranting about how he hates Microsoft and Sony and how Linux and Glee are good but screw them.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/TheNostalgiaCritic

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